White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
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