Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
