definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
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