problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
It's not a walk of shame if you run
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Randomize
