My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
