Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
