If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
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