Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
Life is so much better after having sex.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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