We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
