If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
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