very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
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