Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
Swine flu is the new snow day.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
