Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Randomize
