don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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