I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
