this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
