1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
