If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
