mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Randomize
