I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Randomize
