Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
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