guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
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