please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Randomize
