ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Randomize
