you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize