YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
