Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize