two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
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