I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Randomize
