feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Randomize
