there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
