i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
