dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
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