She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
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