It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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