oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Randomize
