oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
