just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Randomize
