I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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