her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
