Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Randomize
