Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize