I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Randomize
