Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
