Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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