so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Randomize
