i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
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