i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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