This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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