she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
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