I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
