Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
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