Taylor Swift is so right about you.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
