White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Randomize
