Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
