im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
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