Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
