Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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