just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
my liver is dry heaving
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
