Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Randomize
