So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
