My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
