Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Randomize
