My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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