youre lurking in front of me
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
