My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Is Oprah even human
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Randomize
