I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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