whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Randomize
