First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
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