which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Randomize
