Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
Randomize
