a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
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