Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Randomize