I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
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