I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
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