Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
