You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
