I can't watch pbs sober anymore
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
