ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
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