can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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