he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
