I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
