exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
