then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
as a side note pls kill me
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