all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
