I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Randomize
