yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
