I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
don't judge my taste in strippers
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
