HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
