I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
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