In the future we'll all be gay
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
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