imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
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