i think i have two assholes
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
