im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
