I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
