Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize