I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
